Faithfulness

~I shiver outside my light pink Mexican dorm building in the crisp, biting cold of spring. It is only the sunless, early hours of the day, before the sun rises and breathes warmth on all who depend on the strength of her golden rays to thaw their bones. Sweet silence and the Father's fire warm me even in moments before dawn, and I gulp down the words I treasure more than gold as I prepare for the long, laborious day ahead. Some of my dorm mates stroll out and try to draw me into conversation, but the Lord nudges me and reminds me to stay focused and on task and continue to fill up now, so I may pour out later. ~

~I wake in the high, misty mountains of Guatemala, long before any hints of light grace the houses on this hillside, overlooking the worn, dusty, smoggy city. Sitting on the cement sidewalk, I listen to the whispering wind and hear the howling hounds next door greeting their masters who rise early to begin their grueling work day. I shrug off the thick smog of sleep and struggle to keep my eyes open to read The Word. Hurriedly, I scrounge down some hot coffee and jump onto the bus as we travel to remote mountain villages. I finally have my moments alone with my Beloved and am now awake enough to soak in the vivid and strengthening reminders from the Leader of my mission. "I have made you are a river that's overflowing and I am your source." ~

~"Can you repeat that just one more time, una vez mas?" Angel rolls his eyes and walks away, giving up on trying to make me understand his question. Suddenly, Alan runs up to me and pulls on my hair trying to reach  my sunglasses. "No, no porfavor, Alan, estos no son tuyas." He spits at me and runs away without a second thought. I wipe the spit off my mouth and walk towards Manuel...after a few minutess of conversing with this small 5 year old boy, I am at a loss for a response, as he has plainly told me of his broken home and sad family history in an innocent and matter of fact manner. He doesn't know that his family isn't how it ought to be; doesn't know that shattered and torn isn't normal.......
Now it's my first day home; I'm helping in Sunday school and the entire time I can't shake feelings of resentment towards these happy, careless children. Finally, I break down in tears when I see their parents pick them up after the service ended; these little girls and boys don't even know that others just like them live abandoned and alone, far away, without parents to come and embrace them lovingly and bring them home. They've been pawned off and discarded like old pairs of shoes and given to another to take care of. I can't take it all in. These two worlds are colliding.~

~Michelle stands in a tattered dress, many sizes too big, outside the circle of small sitting children who are excited but still confused about this new game we are about to begin. "Dice, 'Pato Pato Gonzo'", "Say Duck Duck Goose" I instruct her. In a matter of minutes all the confused little faces are full of grins and giggles and we play games in the field (with cows no further than a yard or two away) and enjoy this special time we have together. We present Gospel skits and our personal testimonies, and afterwards pray with our audience. As we say tearful goodbyes to our new found friends, we depart down the steep, dusty path, seeking out our van parked a while away. A drunken man precedes me and when I catch up with the rest of my group, they ask me to interpret his unintelligible, urgent sounding pleas. I understand that his son has been taken away recently (this father cannot remember in his haze of drunkenness) from this village. He knows that his son was in dire need of medical help for a heart condition. This helpless, hopeless man knows our mission and what we had been doing in the field up the path - he asks us to pray for him and his son as tears stream down his face; we gladly accept his request and pray for him until we must continue down the path before the sun sets and darkness hides our way. "Burn in my soul, Lord, a passion for your name." ~

~Sitting on the floor, in the middle aisle of an old school bus, bouncing and shaking as it rolls along the uneven, bumpy way, I am surrounded by my friends praying silently and aloud with hands laid on me. They're praying for healing over my body. And I have the wonderful privilege in these short moments to bask in the glory of the Lord and soak in his presence. Goosebumps cover every inch of my skin and my arms shake, but I have not a care, for Jesus is mine and I am his and He whispers reminders of his promises, truth, and faithfulness in my ear and I am full and overflowing. "So pull me a little closer, take me a little deeper. I wanna know your heart, I wanna know your heart. Cause' Your love is so much sweeter than anything I've tasted I wanna know your heart, I wanna know your heart." ~

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These are but snapshots of some life changing experiences I have had while on missions trips. It has been a privilege both times I have participated in missions and God has blessed me and met me in incredible ways each time. I now notice a pattern though; I burn with a desire to see His name lifted higher as I see first hand the thirst of the nations for His light. I also see my own desperation and dependency on Him when I am on the battle field. I come back, shocked at the contrast between these worlds, and I challenge myself to live with the same vigor and passion in my home country just as I did in Guatemala and Mexico. This resolve lasts a while...but slowly weakens and fades. I again doubt God's faithfulness and truth, and again fall prey to the insecurity and greed which constantly lures me in my everyday life.

But yesterday, even though I have been home from my last missions trip for 4 months, the pattern was interrupted as something inside me broke. I heard these words as I listened to worship music; "Jesus, Friend above all friends, laid down Your life that I might live. Faithful Shepherd of my soul Savior, You have made me whole, It's who You are, oh. Holy Spirit, Comforter your eyes are filled with laughter. You are wisdom, You are Life. My every need, You supply. It's who You are."





And the Comforter, Shepherd, Friend, plucked those familiar chords within me so that I remembered the melody I had sung to Him in those moments when my eyes were completely and wholly fixed on Him. 

I don't know how He brought me back, so far back along the steps we'd walked closely together; closer then than we are now. He reminded me of His tender embrace and nearness when I had a Mission and focused on that calling every day. He reminded me of times when; I sought him in the mornings and rose to meet with Him and was rewarded for my faithfulness; He revealed to me the joy and renewal in the eyes of children whose lives were tattered and broken; His sovereignty ruled over my every interaction and He used me to share Hope with every hopeless person; He poured His wisdom and adoration upon me and filled my soul with His spirit.
In these times, no trial could shake me, no doubt could take me away from the depths of His love.

And I believe this is what He wanted me to know; "I am faithful and only I remain. I am who I am. The same yesterday, today and tomorrow. Alpha and Omega." 

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As much as people repeat these truths, and as hard as it is to remember the importance of them, just remember this; even when you stray in your relationship with Jesus from having precious, sweet moments of serenity, to barely remembering your purpose and mission for each day, your life has already been ordained and prepared by the Master and Creator who knows your frame and every detail of your life and being.
We may change and we may forget, but when we return to the cross, Jesus looks lovingly down and reminds us of His unending, unfailing, everlasting love that will always be there.
He waits for us as the father waits for the prodigal son, and will run to embrace us when we finally return.